So why don't people tell you how hard it can be to be a parent before you have kids? Did people tell me & I just didn't really listen or hear them? Do people just try to put on a good face about parenting just so they can appear to have it all together?
Well, I am just going to lay it all out there...the good. the bad, & the extremely ugly. So if you are looking for a post that is light & sweet...you may just want to stop reading here. Consider yourself warned...LOL.
Now having said all that I am not suggesting that I would not want to have kids had I realized how hard it was...I would never trade my life for the world. I have a fabulous life. It is just the last few weeks have been hard & I want to get some of it out. I think the rewards of raising children far outweigh the challenges.
Recently, Caleb who is almost 12 is starting to have some hormones kicking in. He has been moody and seems to be struggling with sadness & anxiety. I hate to see him like that. I just want to make it better for him & there is really nothing I can do. Nothing is worse as a mom than to see your child suffer & not be able to help them.
I just made this layout of Caleb for an upcoming
Srapdragons challenge. (a little side note...if you need a mojo boost...click on Scrapdragons to get one!!) These pictures of Caleb I love, but they are all a bit out of focus, so it seemed fitting to scrap them at this point where he is really struggling to find focus for himself.
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He is starting to deal better with his feelings. It seemed to help him when I suggested that maybe he was just sad & that it didn't need to mean anything. I also reassured him that the feelings would pass & that seemed comforting to him as well. I realized last might though when he was having a rough night that I was having a hard time letting go. I wanted him to be happy again. I wanted him to not feel stress. I wanted it all to be OK for my baby...ugh!! He is such a smart & creative child. He is so incredibly sweet & I just love him.
Also, Rachel has been struggling a bit with the start of the school year. Her teacher this year is much more challenging. I know she can do it, but she is feeling overwhelmed. So when she gets all her homework out & sees it...she is like a deer in the headlights...boom she freezes. She can't seem to even get started. So she spends at least an hour complaining & whining instead of just doing it. I got into it with her yesterday, I was trying to support her, but she was so in her head about it she couldn't see what I was saying. I just got so fed up & I snapped at her & walked away. She started to cry...I felt bad...it was awful. She is so smart & capable. I hate to see her sabatoging herself. Again, I have trouble letting go, I want to fix it all for her. She has a beautiful spirit & I love her.
I just had one of those days where I felt I didn't have any of the answers & I was in way over my head. Have you ever had one of those moments? I was wanting things to go my way. Trying to force solutions. All that ever seems to do is make life seem hard & I end up tired and frustrated.
So today I am taking it easy on myself. I am doing laundry & relaxing in between loads. Taking the time to recharge my batteries. Today I want to approach my life & all it has to offer with clarity, focus, ease, & grace.
So how does that sound? Anyone else want to join me?