Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Finding Focus

So why don't people tell you how hard it can be to be a parent before you have kids? Did people tell me & I just didn't really listen or hear them? Do people just try to put on a good face about parenting just so they can appear to have it all together?

Well, I am just going to lay it all out there...the good. the bad, & the extremely ugly. So if you are looking for a post that is light & may just want to stop reading here. Consider yourself warned...LOL.

Now having said all that I am not suggesting that I would not want to have kids had I realized how hard it was...I would never trade my life for the world. I have a fabulous life. It is just the last few weeks have been hard & I want to get some of it out. I think the rewards of raising children far outweigh the challenges.

Recently, Caleb who is almost 12 is starting to have some hormones kicking in. He has been moody and seems to be struggling with sadness & anxiety. I hate to see him like that. I just want to make it better for him & there is really nothing I can do. Nothing is worse as a mom than to see your child suffer & not be able to help them.

I just made this layout of Caleb for an upcoming Srapdragons challenge. (a little side note...if you need a mojo on Scrapdragons to get one!!) These pictures of Caleb I love, but they are all a bit out of focus, so it seemed fitting to scrap them at this point where he is really struggling to find focus for himself.

He is starting to deal better with his feelings. It seemed to help him when I suggested that maybe he was just sad & that it didn't need to mean anything. I also reassured him that the feelings would pass & that seemed comforting to him as well. I realized last might though when he was having a rough night that I was having a hard time letting go. I wanted him to be happy again. I wanted him to not feel stress. I wanted it all to be OK for my baby...ugh!! He is such a smart & creative child. He is so incredibly sweet & I just love him.

Also, Rachel has been struggling a bit with the start of the school year. Her teacher this year is much more challenging. I know she can do it, but she is feeling overwhelmed. So when she gets all her homework out & sees it...she is like a deer in the headlights...boom she freezes. She can't seem to even get started. So she spends at least an hour complaining & whining instead of just doing it. I got into it with her yesterday, I was trying to support her, but she was so in her head about it she couldn't see what I was saying. I just got so fed up & I snapped at her & walked away. She started to cry...I felt was awful. She is so smart & capable. I hate to see her sabatoging herself. Again, I have trouble letting go, I want to fix it all for her. She has a beautiful spirit & I love her.

I just had one of those days where I felt I didn't have any of the answers & I was in way over my head. Have you ever had one of those moments? I was wanting things to go my way. Trying to force solutions. All that ever seems to do is make life seem hard & I end up tired and frustrated.

So today I am taking it easy on myself. I am doing laundry & relaxing in between loads. Taking the time to recharge my batteries. Today I want to approach my life & all it has to offer with clarity, focus, ease, & grace.

So how does that sound? Anyone else want to join me?


croppin carla said...

Laura, Laura, Laura....I hate to be the brunt of bad news but it gets worse. You have a boy and a girl like I do. My son is 14 my daughter turns 16 this weekend. Now Im a single mom.....have been for about a year and a half now after 17 years of marriage. Its tuff, Im not going to lie. But we live through it. We survive, we do the best that we can for our kids and love them unconditionally. We try to lay the ground rules for them to be good people, and when they make mistakes we forgive them. old is your DD? Well let me tell you at the age of 13 with mine I thought that I would end up killing her and in jail! SERIOUSLY, we just bumped heads so bad......13 and 14 was not good with my relationship with her. But she is 16 this weekend and her and I are pretty good friends. It does get better......
As for my son, he has finally found his voice after many years of being a quiet little kid. Hes growing up and becoming very sarcastic. Even my mother has noticed a big change in him. He used to never hes always talking and trying to be funny.
Anyways I just wanted to let you know that I FEEL you sister......its not easy...thats for sure.....but in the end we love them with all our hearts!

camport said...

my "bad mother" moment was over one of the kids choking on his drink. Instead of being sympathetic, I was mad that he was coughing juice all over my stuff.

There. I said it. I'm a bad mom{sometimes}

:)Love your blogs.

Staci Compher said...

wow!! I could've wrote most of that.....I hear ya...My oldest will be 18 next week, and then I have an 11 year old.....(who is hitting the emotional whiny stage) and both mine are girls......can I say nightmare!!!! It is tougher than people say.....We just love them so much....and at a certain age they seem to just get mean and hateful...hee,hee!! but we get through it.....I can't believe mine is turning 18!! Good luck with yours sounds like you know what your doing!!

lauren said...

oof--well, i feel for ya, but i think just by being able to lay it out and be honest with--and about--your kids & yourself,'ve got a pretty food handle on this whole motherhood thing!!! :)

the main thing--the hardest thing, i think--is that you CAN'T fix it all for them. ...BUT...really, in a weird way, that's good, b/c if you could, you'd be robbing them of learning how to *COPE*...and boy, we allllllll need to learn that, right?! you are supporting and loving them and helping with the things you can help with, and they will FIGURE IT OUT eventually! (and i feel fairly sure you will ALL SURVIVE!)

but in the meantime, here's a cyber hug for ya--and there's more where that came from, girlfriend!

Going For Greatness said...

**HUGE** hugs! You can vent to me anytime, you know that!
Doesn't it always seem that they pass thru one stage and just when you think the storm's blown over, it starts POURING again?
Hang in there. You are a FANTASTIC mother and all this 'stuff' they are going thru, we also went thru.........they're smart, LOVED and creative.. they'll get through it! I hope you get thru it too!!